i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
