Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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