she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
