I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
