So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
