I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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