dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
