he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
