Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.