At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher