He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?