its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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