quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
