I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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