you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.