oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And then my night got REAL pukey
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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