his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
