I looked at my own cervix.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Pooping to opera.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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