i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
two words: eviction party
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
