How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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