I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
