What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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