theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
