just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
