It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
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the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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