I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i already hear my dad disowning me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
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The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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