I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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