you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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