dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
