I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i love accidental penises.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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