I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize