I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize