His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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