Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
