I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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