Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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