maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
