Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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