Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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