At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
