You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
