Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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