NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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