Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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