he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
