dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
