I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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