why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
