Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
