i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You dont lie about slip and slides
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
