elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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