He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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