I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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