I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
