First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
