I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
