he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
