Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
