I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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