I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
