brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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