He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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