Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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