Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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