ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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