y did u give ur computer a hand job?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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