Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I supernannyed him into submission
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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