The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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