i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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