just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
