Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
