bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You left your phone here
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