are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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