I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
