I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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