I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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