I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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