Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
