Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I forget how to act sober
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
