I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
