if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
