if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Small penises have feelings too.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
