I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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